8.08.2013

Good Life Series: HOW TO BE CONFIDENT (AND GET WHAT YOU WANT)

You know what? I'm sick and tired of people complaining about not being smart enough, not being pretty enough, not being thin enough, or just not being good enough in general. I hate to sound like a cliche'd old-timer, but I think that each of you have the potential, for lack of a better word, to be genuinely happy and successful (in whichever pursuit you're thinking about at this very moment). This type of success could mean finally escaping the single life after so long, getting the dream-like job or pay-check you've always wanted, or having the courage to hop on a plane to an Indian meditation retreat. Whatever your idea of success or type of happiness may be, confidence is the key to getting there and getting what you want. 

Now, first lets diagnose your specific confidence deficiency. As you know, there are several triggers to this feeling of low self-worth. Here are a few scenarios:

1. PDA-Intolerant
Everywhere you go, you see a couple. Whether it be the yorkies humping each-other in the park or the people next to you on the subway making out, you feel as though you are constantly being mocked by an invisible person chanting, "single loser!" Moreover, your non-single friends sometimes make you want to barf on the inside even though you smile and say "how cute," to the dozen roses you did not receive that day. Now, don't get me started about Valentine's Day because that is an extraordinary case of its own, where your confidence deficiency may even turn into an attack of sorts. So, let's keep this day-to-day. You think to yourself, "why does nobody like me? Why can't I have that?"

2. Is this a fat mirror?
You often browse magazines, read fashion blogs, watch many shows, or see people on the street who are extremely fit and thin. You think to yourself, "why can't I be that skinny? Curse these big-boned genes (sorry mom)!" No matter how much you try to fork down kale or nearly pass out at a hot yoga class that your health-nut-friend introduced you to, you still don't feel good enough.

3. Rough amid Diamonds
You realize that everyone around you is slowly doing better in life generally. Bob updates his status about getting a kick-ass job with the design team at Nike. Melissa adds 357 photos to the album "sangria & st.maartennnn." Veronica gets in University of Pennsylvania and you don't. The list can go on and on. You feel as though you're in a constant state of failure where nothing you do is stellar and everyone around you seems to achieving some sort of success. 

Now, I know there are several other ways in which people feel unconfident about themselves and feel a sense of jealousy from the people around them. However, these are some of the general concerns we've all had. Heck, I've been there and I still feel like that sometimes! But, my goal is to make you stop feel this way and try to help you see what greatness you currently posses.


Here are some of my tips:

  • Reduce your Social Media use: I know that checking your Facebook may seem like the most important thing to do and the best way to stay connected, but it can also be quite harmful to the way you view yourself. It can create a sense of "social envy" or jealousy of others, which can put you down even more. So, take that Facebook app off of your smartphone and go for something less stressful like a puzzle app. This way, you have more time to focus on yourself and not others. 
  • Stand up Straight : Not only will it improve your posture over time, but it will make you look better in your clothing. On that same note, buy clothing that fit and represent part of your personal style. When you look better, you feel better, and thus you will be more confident and approachable. 
  • Exercise in a fun way: This ties in with the last one. If you look better, you feel better about yourself. Moreover if I were to quote Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, I'd tell you that working out creates endorphins and "endorphins make you happy." The fun aspect should be your motivation, so if you're into energetic things like Zumba or Aerobics, go for them! If you want to work your core and flexibility or just de-stress, try yoga (its great for your posture too- a win!win!) The worst thing you could possibly do is force yourself to do something you're totally not into from the get-go. When you already like something and signed up for it in advance, you will be more motivated to follow through.
  • Find Your Passion:....and run with it. There is always going to be something you are good at, whether you realize it now or not. It could be mathematics for some, putting an outfit together for  others, or even just talking to people. Whatever your strong suit is, know that you can turn it into a passion and possibly even a career. Don't get bogged down by salary and what other people want for you. Not only will your confidence boost from doing something you love, but you will be happy too!
  • REAL TALK: When it comes to relationships, communication is key and I often find that calling is the most authentic way to get your 'message' across to your significant other. When you're texting, you take some time to try and perfectly construct what sounds the best, you may even ask advice from your friends (trust me I've heard everything), and you analyze every little word the significant other says. At the end of the day, if you want show your REAL self and get to know your future partner's REAL SELF, talk more on the phone or even in person. When you remove this communicative barrier, you start to feel more confident and you may begin to learn more things about yourself such as your likes, and dislikes. 'LOL' doesn't tell you anything.
  • Stop Feeling Bad for Yourself: When you start to actually appreciate yourself and stop trying to get sympathy from those around you, you will begin to feel happier and more confident. Nobody likes someone who constantly is complaining about his/her situation no matter how bad it may be. Moreover, feeling bad for yourself doesn't exactly get you anywhere. So, perk up.

What are ways you boost your own confidence?

xx,

Shay

3 comments:

Tere Ávila said...

great post honey, nice tips!

xx

Ajeng Andianti said...

it's helpful for me!
following each other would be great!

www.lepetitejournal.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

This is such a great post, well done.

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